1: Are my parents ever coming home? 2: There had to be an answer 3: what I did for love 4: just go 5: care to explain THAT one? 6: but I do 7: darling it's better 8: one last desperate hope 9: She was so fluffy 10: I though for sure I'd never have to pay 11: I could never deny her anything 12: oops 13: happy mother's day 14: it wasn't that bad, really 15: I miss her 16: like, totally! 17: he had a trustworthy smile 18: go, emily, go! 19: kids everywhere are so excited 20: quiet kisses are so hardcore 21: changing of the guard 22: oh, what do I do? 23: wil wheaton! OMG 24: intelligent black eyes 25: an amputee or ... something else? 26: shrapnel 27: while you count clouds 28: marriage club 29: Is it a boy or a girl? Maybe. 30: This is what frustrates me 31: in the UK they say nappies 32: smiling fights the lonely monster 33: does he even clean his own hair? 34: never slapped five with god 35: hold what you've got 36: birds gotta fly 37: true dreams 38: I can contain it, if I have to. 39: I wasn't sure which cake you wanted 40: Meet me in the street. 41: I used to want to plant bombs, the night of the prom. 42: cars that hover and dads who come home 43: we've been good, but we can't last 44: seek release 45: seek release, boy 46: You were always laughing 47: I wish I was never born! I hate you! 48: I smile more when I belong 49: the ravages of puberty leave nobody unscathed 50: the ravages of puberty leave a few unscathed 51: you have a nice living room 52: is there something wrong? 53: you fucked it up 54: history cutlets 55: what about their friends? 56: but nobody says no to me 57: no, honey, you look fine 58: really, I am glad the romance is gone 59: But I never told him about your best selling romance novels. 60: I ain't your pal. 61: I'm here for ART, sir. 62: you'll be someone you wouldn't understand 63: like she's going anywhere 64: thank you for being a friend 65: fool me once, shame on you 66: I wake up in long term relationships 67: long overdue 68: serious inquiries only 69: when I was young I believed in gutter balls 70: My mother knew all the words, word for word. 71: and from the pewter gifts she gave every christmas. 72: Don't you have anywhere else to be? 73: She's never too tired. 74: Ask her not to wear those army boots, though. 75: for jeff rowland 76: I miss city life 77: when there's no more room in pigeon hell... 78: they said they'd call 79: and you'll look stupid then! 80: Terrorism delays vote, kills. 81: well, then by your argument, 1 in 5 people are whores 82: good game 83: rawr! 84: don't you cry. 85: I've got poodles, yeah, I've got pomeranian gladness in my heart! 86: Every petal an accusation, every bumbling bee a pointing finger. 87: Now we can go back to living in sin in peace. 88: but when it comes to being loved, she's first 89: Evening, officer! 90: Goodnight, mom. 91: rules are rules! 92: we will have a spare room again, and mankind is safe! 93: and i slept well 94: turn that frown upside-down 95: I'm coming. I'm coming. Wait til the next commercial. 96: you have a beautiful smile 97: I'll make you proud, Dad! 98: I hear scratching all night 99: AND socks 100: I cannot kiss you and I want to. 101: jiggly milky doom 102: plz don't leave me! 103: i hear him talking during the comercials, alone, arguing. 104: I wished I was a little bit taller. 105: and on Tuesdays I'll be straight, and Thursdays I'll be gay. 106: maybe 1996 was 107: I'm sorry I was angry 108: I don't want to hear your voice around here no more 109: who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? YOU DID MOTHERFUCKER 110: my PIECE 111: ....... 112: YOU'RE a euphemism 113: Glitter death. (like crib death, but prettier) 114: handjob susan, private eye 115: Welcome to the Terrordome. 116: you're up early... hello? 117: what we talk about when we talk about love 118: but old people just grow lonesome 119: Is this cold? 120: what would they do with their freedom? 121: even I know that 122: recidivist: yes 123: I also collect stamps. 124: this is Emily and she is so pretty 125: This is lisa and she does not have a website 126: this is Maggie and she is tough tough tough 127: your machinery is too much for me 128: and the saved 129: we all float down here 130: i am too young to be a granny 131: WHAT 132: yes 133: Oh man. What could happen next? 134: also, maybe you could brush more 135: can you imagine how disdainful they'll look? 136: WE CAN AFFORD NO MORE DISTRACTIONS 137: you make my heart stop 138: why not smile? 139: she would have wanted this last, unending dance 140: everything will be okay, i'm here 141: the resolution doesn't matter 142: i also do weddings 143: good luck! 144: masturbation as therapy 145: love will light up my room 146: i know it in my heart to be true 147: macaroni and glitter 148: SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND WHEN I AM AWAY FROM HER I MISS HER 149: pawn shop tutorials 150: smell you later 151: my dad's a laugher 152: Remember when we used to have sex? 153: yes your wings are beautiful. yes they shimmer. god. 154: maybe tomorrow i'll want to settle down 155: and there were some bridge tokens too 156: dad thinks that's funny I guess 157: nobody gonna wesley snipe me 158: ladies, please. One at a time. 159: make your own luck my ass 160: I paid for her. She's mine. 161: I will never look at stars the same way 162: not... not that we need it. 163: what if people don't want my help? 164: get well soon 165: A taste of the orient! HOT 166: now it's a journal comic? Boring. 167: it just wasn't reasonable 168: he's really sweet 169: oh, maureen 170: and maybe I keep adding to the list 171: she says, what, now should be different? 172: worms 173: filling barbie's corvette with manure 174: I guess you were my first boy wonder 175: don't be so foolish 176: Tough break, kid. 177: but you get free ink cartridge refills 178: twice at least 179: pookums still loves ME though 180: it's a coverup tatt, as I don't love Amy anymore 181: they don't know what they're missing 182: at least he has a father 183: or maybe i should get a job 184: try this at home 185: I don't mind paying. It's worth it. 186: nice girls don't 187: shellfish? again? 188: and i don't want to be alone 189: what a t-shirt idea! 190: flush one pill, three times daily 191: i can't remember what that means 192: miracles bring tourists 193: my garlic breath is unprofessional is it? 194: even after we're done 195: it is worth setting off metal detectors 196: ...... 197: an eyeball should never have sand on it, even one that big 198: another bathroom break 199: or, as I like to call it, my wedding 200: fuck critics, you can kiss my whole asshole 201: wee miss you 202: tell me another one 203: I spy with my little eye 204: never in the same room as myself 205: you'll never guess! 206: and don't tell your father we did this. he'd divorce me. 207: now let's go haunt the fuck out of Jeff 208: this resort has no egg nog 209: turn toward the camera and smile smile smile 210: oh, haha, microchip babies! what a hoot! what a stretch! 211: vacations don't have to end, they aren't like love affairs 212: oh no, is that lipstick on my collar? 213: we'll need to find you a new pet name i guess 214: you think you're so smart but I've seen you naked 215: I miss you 216: a boyfriend who doesn't enjoy horror movies? good riddance. 217: too little too late, creepy 218: because, uh, you might have heard I run with a dangerous crowd? 219: We can read out loud to each other, while we're getting ready! 220: sometimes i get so excited i throw up 221: to die would be an awfully big adventure 222: did she think we forgot since last easter? 223: there were like thirty scooters in that ice cream truck 224: sooner or later it comes down to fate 225: I couldn't stop smiling in the back of the police car. 226: this place makes me an animal, I will not die in here 227: we buried truth under playgrounds 228: another mario 3 tournament tonight, ladies? 229: we cannot have freedom without wilderness 230: We will hang your dirty uniform from our antenna like a pirate flag. 231: also, tell them I'm sorry 232: I don't care what Proust said. Fuck you. How about that. 233: or they better fucking not 234: mistakes aren't always regrets 235: saying your plans out loud is a good way to hear god laugh 236: you have your mother's eyes 237: We're both going to wake up in Dallas, but only I will be free 238: that's how we keep going. we make the best of things. 239: you might start wearing clothes around the house 240: it was like being high. nobody wanted to be around me. 241: please be a common word, at least 242: I wish I were close with my mother 243: heartache to heartache we stand 244: didn't mom tell you? 245: I used to say this when we had oatmeal, too. 246: the one inch punch 247: Sorry, it wasn't what I was expecting. 248: My doctors note would just say I'm happier. 249: Hewwo? 250: Athiests are so smug, but church where the pussy at. 251: famous last words? 252: Pop married his job. 253: Ugh, and everyone here LOVES Dinosaur Comics. 254: No, don't go in the basement! 255: or kittens 256: the same way I feel after my dreams of flying 257: no jury will convict me 258: out back is where the toes are 259: i feel safe 260: It makes sense on paper. 261: Just one. 262: I will never feel stupid again. 263: - 264: I would die without you? Seriously? 265: These marshmallow ghosties don't have time for your ennui. 266: thirty-seventy, really. 267: Is this about your operation? 268: hurry christmas, hurry fast 269: fifteen points! 270: well, and playing with myself a bit too. 271: doing things together is important. like, babes. 272: drop outs have more fun 273: love will keep us together 274: lullabies at night, george michael in the morning 275: our first idea was to be the Wet Bandits 276: Do it. 277: love, love me do 278: yeah, baby, that stale popcorn smell riles me right up. 279: Feed me, Seymour 280: Margaret Atwood swears by this recipe. 281: ...that I might fill them with horror so they would know I am the LORD 282: can't stop til I see my name on a blimp 283: a man who represents himself has a HERO for a client! 284: I've been meaning to start running again anyway. 285: Watch the gills, baby. 286: Then we will stomp some log houses, am I right guys? 287: Let me tell you! 288: A stranger's just a friend you haven't met. 289: I contain a factory for producing my own prison. 290: I feel exhausted and perfect. 291: The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last. 292: You can't start a fire without a spark. 293: but even Battleship gets old after 15 years 294: like on TV 295: Wait...maybe I am a xenophobe! 296: and anyway the clown is booked til Wednesday 297: But this doesn't mean an easy A. 298: motherfucker would burn shit down 299: now we'll have that ball room to ourselves! 300: any sufficiently complex system is hackable 301: and tonight is a really good TV night 302: I wish the news had warned me about this 303: Fuck this coy shit. 304: My heart feels funny. I should have taken his stethoscope, too. 305: maybe I'll go back to school! 306: actually, maybe i want to BE her 307: the road to hell is paved with good intentions 308: I am going to be a model, not a crazy. 309: I should invite them for paintball this weekend. And then BAM. 310: The only words for this are my fingers in your mouth. 311: priorities! 312: I guess poor Doctor Internet just tells his neighbours about steampunk 313: People are only really happy when they accept themselves. 314: and I'm not even sure gamma radiation would do anything. 315: that's the same pity you get for people who claim to be happy 316: then who's gay, smartass? 317: It's kinda cute how angry they get about beer ads, though. 318: oh fuck, we're doomed! quick! to the movie theatre! 319: None of those lines seemed to be about you or me. 320: you kids wait here on the shore. 321: 322: Maybe I'll get an ice cream, first! 323: Actually, I'm married. 324: but will she remember how awesome it was? 325: unless they pray to 911?